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Through the meat grinder.

August 13, 2010

[picapp align=”right” wrap=”true” link=”term=meat+grinder&iid=5286563″ src=”″ width=”353″ height=”484″ /]You know, I don’t mean to complain, and I know that God doesn’t send you more than you can handle, but sometimes I wonder just what He’s thinking. Sometimes getting put through the brutal meat grinder doesn’t make you all holy and pure on the other end; sometimes you end up plopped on the butcher block — a former steak now turned into a pile of cheap ground beef.

So I think it’s time for this pile of ground beef to search for an eyeball, look around and figure out where its mouth went, stop being a doormat, and speak up. Maybe I need to stop just taking this stuff as it’s handed out. Maybe I need to say, “I have reached ‘more than I can handle’ and I have officially now HAD  ENOUGH.” That’s the only thing I can think of that I haven’t done yet.

It’s not my place to share other people’s health troubles in my blog, but let’s just say that amidst recovery from brain surgery, starting a new chemo, dealing with nice fat medical bills, and so forth, another member of our family is suffering horrendously. I don’t have permission to share more here, but your prayers are appreciated.

I have plenty to be thankful for, don’t get me wrong. I have a great husband and son (both of whom are getting ground up regularly by this stuff too — probably worse than me), and we have a lot of joy in our lives. It’s just…. well, it’s just…… so MUCH.

The latest on me is I’ll be seeing the fancy research doctor at University of California San Francisco next week. She’s a specialist in breast cancer that has spread to the brain. I will be finding out the latest thinking in the field and see if she recommends anything new or different. My care here is more than competent — excellent, in fact — but research tends to be regional. They’re doing excellent work at the University of Washington here, but not exactly what this particular doctor is studying. So, we shall see. I will update you as I can.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Babs McNeely permalink
    August 13, 2010 9:10 pm

    Girl….so much on your shoulders. I want so desperately to say or do something that will give you the biggest belly laugh thay you’ve had in a long time. Oh great, now I’m on a quest…..once I reach the quest stage, my family worries. lol

    Here’s a post from FAM Ginger that might help: Proof that I never mastered the fine art of mashed potato making: During supper this evening, Raven complained that she didn’t get as much gravy as Grady and Adalyn did… Yeah, we didn’t have gravy with supper

    hugs and love,

  2. mom permalink
    August 13, 2010 9:14 pm

    Has this doctor had what you have, if so she could be a real resource, having been heen there? I PRAY SHE WILL COME THROUGH WITH THE ANSWER. Have a great trip and enjoy the scenery. Love and Prayers from Mom.

  3. Sarahtee permalink
    August 14, 2010 12:45 am

    Praying, Jill, and hopeful something new is just around the corner.

  4. Bemused Boomer permalink
    August 14, 2010 3:18 am

    Stay strong, use that mouth, and do what your gut tells you to do.

    I saw research doctors at Cedar Sinai recently for my condition and was very relieved to be talking to the people who created the tests and therefore understood them better than the doctors in the field.

    I wish for you that you get exactly the right person to talk to, and that it all stops being so MUCH very soon.

    Blessings to you and your family.

  5. Cassandra (Fam) permalink
    August 14, 2010 11:55 am

    Jill – I’m so glad Babs gave me your link! Sending much love to you and healing prayers. And know that God can take a good yelling. Remember, Jacob wrestled with God, left him with limp hip, but strong faith, well equipped to walk out the rest of his life. Be blessed and I’m looking forward to hearing what the Cali docs have to say.

  6. Jennifer permalink
    August 14, 2010 8:42 pm

    Thank you for the update and for the description of what you’ve been thinking, feeling and experiencing. We’re praying for the best possible outcome from your San Fran trip. Can’t wait to hear more! MUCH faith, hope and love…

  7. August 15, 2010 7:59 am

    Lots of love, support, tears, good thoughts, healing light and peace sent your way..

  8. Murray permalink
    August 15, 2010 7:14 pm

    Hi Mrs. B,

    We’re praying the new doctor will offer a breakthrough. I just returned from that area (visiting my son) and am amazed by all the research that goes on around there in affiliation with Stanford, Berkeley, etc…. so I’m hoping for the best. Maybe you can sneak to Fisherman’s Wharf and enjoy the sunshine, though I guess the Pacific coast isn’t as novel for you as for me. You’re in our prayers. – Maria

  9. August 15, 2010 11:08 pm

    Thanks all. I’ll keep you update as I can. Hank is holding the fort at home and he’ll have all the latest too.

  10. Ellen permalink
    August 16, 2010 9:56 am

    I think I would have yelled “enough already” a lot sooner than you. I am so sorry about your family member and will keep her/him in my thoughts and prayers as well.

    Maybe the reason why your family member is suffering horrendously is so you won’t give up and will continue to fight, as is your family member most likely doing for you. Families can be competitive that way. There seems to be a purpose here and even though it appears to be cruel and ugly, it is giving you the courage to keep on fighting.

    Godspeed, Jill.


  11. E Lis permalink
    August 16, 2010 11:15 am

    It is more than enough and it is hard to add on one more person with one more health impairment. I will drive into the hill and scream enough for you. (((HUGS)))), prayers, healing white light and good thoughts.

    – Lisa

  12. Denny Wilson permalink
    August 17, 2010 8:47 pm

    Jill, keep going your blog is widely admired. Deb and I gave it to my sister as she’s just now been diagnosed with breast cancer. Your blogs are incredible and so well informed. I wish I had your research desires. Keep on going and share with us, we appreciate you!


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