Tired of “wait and watch.”
First, the good news. The two tumors they treated in my brain in August have shrunk slightly again. They’re now down to about 4mm each. I don’t remember the original size of one of them, but one was originally 1 cm. They have to be 6mm to treat. So yay about that.
The bad news is that there are two new tiny tumors, about 3mm each. One was a shadow in October. The other wasn’t there. They’re both now about 3mm each. They have to be 1mm to show up on the scan. I didn’t bring home a copy of the scan results because I just plain old don’t like looking at depressing things. However, one of the tumors is close to the brain stem and the other is toward the back of my brain. One can affect motor skills if it gets too large. “Too large” means lots bigger than it is now, so it’s not likely to get to that point.
Remember that they can’t treat these things with gamma knife until they’re 6mm or bigger, so we’re back to wait and watch mode. If they treat them at their current size they can damage the surrounding tissue and that will definitely affect my motor skills. If they wait until they’re large enough to zap then they’ll end up treating just the tumor and no tissue will be damaged.
I asked the brain guy if he’s seen people live for years with this kind of little tumor popping up every few months and he said yes. What you have to hope for is that several tumors don’t show up at once, like 3 or 4 or more, because then they need to do whole brain radiation. That can have some definite effects on quality of life to put it mildly.
The brain guy also said that these two spots appear to be behaving the same way as the others, which is that they’re growing very slowly. That means they’re also likely to respond as well to treatment as the others have.
Also, God is the ultimate brain guy, so we’re going to ask Him to make these things go away and keep others far far away too.
If we get good news in February about the rest of the spots (lung, rib — and nothing new) then I might actually be able to resume normal life and just get my brain zapped in a few months when these brain things are large enough.
So I’m discouraged, which is normal. I’d go back into denial for a while except I get poisoned tomorrow again. It’s relentless this stuff, and I’m well beyond being tired of it. I’d like to jump out of my skin and find another body. If you know of any that are available please let me know.